Ok so it being June and all, the TV and internet have seemingly been taken over by all things wedding. Also apparently my age is the "marrying" age, and I know like 700 people who are engaged or recently married. So I am feeling bombarded by this topic from all sides, and I would just like to vent about it a little bit.
For starters, STOP asking me when I am going to get married. JUST because I am 24 and have been dating and living with the same guy for close to 3 years does not all of a sudden make this question appropriate to ask. Also it is also none of your business to prod about why we aren't getting married or what have you. Contrary to public belief this is NOT a public issue but is instead an incredibly personal decision that includes no one but me and my boyfriend.Going off that, to answer another popular question - no I am not saddened by my lack of engagement. My life does not hinder on my marital status, and I am quite happy with where my life and relationship are. While this is no insult to those who are getting married or who want to get married young, please don't assume all of us want that. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm sitting around waiting to be asked or dream about weddings all day.
Which leads me to more of a general wedding issue I have, the concept that EVERY woman as a little girl dreamed of being a "princess" or having a huge wedding or is obsessed with getting married. This is in fact...not true. While I'm sure many women have thought of this, I for one am not one of them. I do not nor have I ever wished to be a princess or look like a princess, and my fantasy wedding would quite frankly be an elopement. The big frou-frou wedding has never appealed to me, and I find the fact that you are expected to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on this event atrocious. If I'm about to start my life with someone, I can think of many MANY better things to spend that money on instead of a large party (a house for example).And this leads me to various wedding "traditions." While I am not about to knock traditions, I feel that doing something traditional for the sake of tradition is not advisable. So I'm going to list some of the wedding traditions I just do not agree with:
1) The white dress - now as we all know, in most European cultures the white dress represents virginity. And as many of us ALSO know, not every bride who wears a white dress is a virgin O.o! So while I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing a white dress, I don't think it's something brides should be judged on. Non-virgin brides, feel free to wear the whitest of white dresses if you should so desire. Also, if you don't want to wear white...don't! I no longer see the point of this tradition beyond the bride simply WANTING to wear it. There's no harm in wanting or wearing a colored dress.
2) The engagement - This whole part i have a couple of traditions I am not a fan of. First off, the ring itself. I do not prescribe to the "it must be 10% of his annual salary" mentality. I think placing ANY sort of price limitation on the ring is in essence saying that the man is "buying" the woman and he must ask some sort of minimal price in order to obtain her. Ladies ask yourself...is that really the message you want to send out? Now this is not to say that men should feel free to go to Claire's and get some sort of costume jewelry ring. The ring IS supposed to last a lifetime so it should be of high quality which means it's certainly not going to come cheap, but again the price really shouldn't be the focus. I feel the ring SHOULD be representative of how he feels for her, but that in and of itself doesn't mean he has to break the bank to buy it. I would much prefer getting a ring that fits my personality and style and shows that my man knows what I like and have it be relatively inexpensive, than get some multi-thousand dollar ring that I don't even want to wear.Secondly, why should men have to propose? I know this has been attacked in a lot of pop culture, but i just want to throw my support behind this. While I see no problem with men proposing, I think the belief that the man HAS to propose is archaic and unnecessary.
Thirdly, asking the father for permission (this would be in the tradition man-asks-woman scenario, though i suppose could translate to the woman asking the man's parents for permission). No offense to dads out there, but you do not own your daughters nor are you in control of their actions, so really there is no need to ask you for anything. I honestly feel to do so is an insult to the woman herself - does she belong to her father? Is she being passed from him to the soon-to-be-husband? Can she not think for herself? I mean honestly, I believe our society has moved past this.
3) The "giving away" of the bride - in the same vein of the last issue I had, the woman doesn't belong to anyone. Now this tradition is expressed anywhere the father just handing his daughter's hand to the groom to the pastor (or whatever person is overseeing the wedding ceremony) asking "who gives this bride away?" and the father responding that he does. Again, she is her own person and should not be given or handed off from one man to another. This is NOT to be against the walking down the aisle, but I see no reason why the woman can't independently walk from her father (or whoever walks her down, doesn't HAVE to be her father) to the groom. I actually think that it is important that she do that - it symbolizes she is making the decision for herself; that she CHOOSES to marry this man and is not in anyway being made to do it. After all gentlemen...isn't that what you want? A woman who CHOOSES you of her own volition and isn't being persuaded by shiny metal and stones or insistent parents?
4) The garter removal - I'm sorry but ew? The groom going under the bride's gown to retrieve some lingerie with his teeth to then show to a crowd? A crowd that happens to consist mostly of your FAMILY? What parent wants to see their children like that, and what children want to have this type of experience in front of their parents, let alone other relatives?
5) The clinking of glasses to make the couple kiss - Umm...I am not some performing monkey here to entertain you. I'll kiss my new hubby when I feel like it, not when you demand it.
6) The vows - now here I do proceed with caution. Why I absolutely feel that a couple should say vows that mean something to THEM and not just say the traditional vows as written for the sake of them being traditional, i also don't feel every couple should write their own vows JUST to be special. You love each other and that's wonderful, that doesn't mean you are capable of expressing your love in words that would merit being proclaimed in front of all of your family. Think of that bad poetry you wrote in high school...would you get up and recite that in front of a crowd? Yea...I didn't think so. So I think if you want to write your own vows, if you as a couple are so moved to do so, then that's great. However unless one or both of you are actually writers...I would seek outside help with the phrasing.
And possibly one of the biggest trends with weddings that I absolutely cannot handle and part of what makes me just want to elope, is the concept that the day is ALL about the bride. It's whatever SHE wants. I'm sorry...but are there not two people getting married? Isn't the whole point of this ceremony the commitment of two people? So newsflash all brides and wedding planners - the day is NOT solely about the woman. It is in fact about the couple. And going off of that...it's about the couple's families. The entire reason this event has to be some huge extravaganza is because your families and friends come. Well why do they come? Yes partly to share in your love and celebration, but also because they themselves symbolize the meshing of your lives together; of becoming part of each other's families. So the day is also about your family. This means couple you absolutely should take your family into account when planning the location of your wedding, or the menu, or time of year. Having an all meat menu when 6 of your cousins are vegans, or planning your special day on a major travel holiday thus making your entire family spend double what it would normally cost to travel to your wedding, etc, is really just disrespectful and encouraging people to not come. Think about it, this is your "special" day; do you really want half the people there upset or unhappy they are there?
In summary, this is an event that is special for the couple. It should involve both of them, it should be about both of them, and the decision of when and how should be left up to them. Any other way to do it, such as following traditions one doesn't agree with or even understand or being pressured into it, are just bad and are, in my opinion a recipe for disaster.
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